


Never Without You

by nava64



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-26
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-14 22:36:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2205567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nava64/pseuds/nava64
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has always helped Steve out of tight spots and has even used his advantage as a stud to take some charge in his friend’s love life. However, when it came to his own- particularly with this girl- it was an off limits subject. Bucky has never been a superstitious guy, but he has become uncomfortable and worried that mentioning her- even to Steve- would somehow jeopardize his chances of seeing her again. With the help Steve has stepped in to provide, Bucky is more than determined to get back home to her, but are his worries real and is fate something that can change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As soon as he heard someone enter, Bucky folded up the letter and stuffed it inside his coat pocket, took out his pistol from his holster began disassembling it to clean it.

"Hey, Buck... You alright?" Steve asked pulling up a chair to accompany him for a bit.

It was obvious what he was trying to hide, but Steve still asked. As much as Bucky trusted him with all his heart, he still couldn't really bring himself to talk to anyone about his girl back home. It was a bit of a touchy subject and even though he wasn't much of a supersticious person, he felt that talking about her- even with Steve- would somehow jinx his chances of coming back to her.

Bucky glanced over to him as he cleaned out his barrel and shrugged. "Nothing much, kid." He set that piece down, picked up the next and cleared his throat to continue. "You ready for a night out? We're in need for that, aren't we?"

Chuckling, Steve nodded but continued to look on as Bucky cleaned an already tidy weapon. All those times he and Buck talked about girls and it was still this difficult to get him to even say her name to him. Steve never knew Bucky could be like this, but when the right one came along she could really change a man.

"Yeah, we do..." Steve replied, his tone not as light as earlier.

Ignoring the change, Bucky continued. "So, you like that Agent Carter, don't you, Steve?" A mischevious grin took over from Bucky's earlier concentrated expression.

Steve frowned and leaned back in his chair. "Oh, alright Bucky, we can talk about who I'm interested in, but the slightest mention of your girl and you close up on me?"

Giving a long drawn out sigh, Bucky began to reassemble his pistol without another word.

"Buck, come on." Steve knew he was pushing it going into such a sensitive topic, but still he pressed on. "You have always been there for me no matter what it was... Saving me from getting beat up in the alley or setting me up with a girl who would end up completely ignoring me on our date." That managed a snicker out Bucky, so Steve continued. "Come on, Buck, talking about her won't make her disappear or even jinx anything. Just..." Steve sighed out and leaned back against the table. "Just let me be here for you now."

A smile hinted at the corner of his mouth, Bucky put his pistol back in his holster and looked up at Steve. There was true loyalty and good intentions written all over Steve's face, even if Bucky pretended it wasn't there or chose not to see it during a matter like this, there it was. Bucky felt it was his job to be there for his friend, not the other way around; and not that it necessarily made him feel weaker or anything, but, he just wasn't used to being in a position where he really needed someone there for him. Especially when it came to a matter such as this.

Wagging a finger at Steve and picking up his glass of brandy, Bucky began, "First, I'm not a supersticious guy, you know that right?"

"Yeah, yeah I know that." Steve chuckled, raising his hands up slightly in defense.

Bucky downed the rest of his drink, poured himself as well as a glass for Steve then leaned back in his chair and rested his boots on the table. "So, what do you want to know that I haven't already told you?"

"Haha, well, you haven't really told me anything about her except that she's got dark brown hair, lives in Brooklyn and is... Italian, right?"

"Damn, I've really been keeping you in the dark, huh?" Taking another sip, Bucky continued. "Alright, a name then?"

Steve nodded and also leaned back.

"Okay, huh, well... Her name's Nancy. Not much of an Italian name, but does that matter? Yeah, she lives in Brooklyn too and she even grew up in our neighborhood. Can you believe that? Apparently she lived at the far corner. Anyway, eh, I don't know... What else do you want to know?"

Steve had finished his glass and sat back up to refill his it as well as Bucky's. "Well, anything really, Buck. Whatever you want me to know. I mean, ever since you met her you would get this look on your face that was just dying to tell someone about how, well, amazing or beautiful she is." Getting back into his layed back position, Steve urged Bucky to continue. "Just talk, Buck, I'll listen."

Bucky looked down at the glass of brandy in his hands and chuckled, a sheepish smile forming over his lips. How many times had he done the same thing to Steve? _Come on, Steve, you're never alone. I'm always here for you_. Words of consolation and reassurance had always come from Bucky. He never expected or ever really needed there to be someone he could turn to to settle his worries and speak up on what was troubling his mind.

"Ehehehe, uhm, alright. Well, first things first, remember that time right after the ball game we went to and you headed back home? Well, my folks had asked me to stop buy and pick up a few things so when I was doing that, I had some trouble picking out apples. Yeah, haha, can you believe that? The stand had all these different red apples and I couldn't remember which ones my ma would bring home. I just grabbed a bag and started grabbing some from the main crate he had out and then..." Bucky paused as the worry hesitated him to finally talk about her, but he took a drink and continued. "I just felt a tap on my shoulder and there she was. Her brown curls rested just past her shoulders and her big brown eyes looked right into mine. I couldn't even bring myself to say hi, christ. She, haha, she laughed a little and said that she knew my mother and those were definitely not the apples she got and grabbed another bag and began filling it with the right ones. I just looked at her, Steve, just stood there! Have you ever known me to do that?"

Steve shrugged and chuckled in response and at how Bucky was slowly becoming more drunk. He watched as Bucky filled himself another glass, even though he hadn't quite finished that glass he had.

There was a pause as Bucky held back a hiccup and then continued. "Anyway, I came by again the next day and there she was. I felt nervous, Steve, nervous! I walked right up to her and even before I could ask if I could take her out, she looked at me, then looked away and said, 'I know you get around with the girls and you're probably going off anyway so excuse me, but I'm a little busy.' I was lost for words, I didn't know what to say because, well, that _was_ the truth. I just stood there and watched as she packed a bag of apples for this little old lady. She didn't even glance over to look at me after that, so to save myself from anymore embarrassment, I walked away. But, you know what, Steve? I- I stopped and turned back around because... Because from the instant I saw her, she gave me this feeling I hadn't ever felt before. It's strange for me to be this way, but I mean, she's different, Steve. She's... She's the one."

Steve's grin began to fall. This certainly was a different Bucky. There was no bragging, no cockiness in his tone or even a flicker of mischief in his eye when he said her name. It was by chance that Steve had found out about Nancy and now that Bucky was beginning to open up about her, he felt that their trust and overall friendship was growing stronger because this was new and different. This was love and hope and in times like these, that is what urged you to keep going. She had become Bucky's new cause.

"So, what about those other girls you set us up with before you left?" Steve asked.

Bucky set his glass down on the table, hiccuped then smiled. "Kid, that was all for you. I wanted to keep helping you and she understood. I was never planning on, well, you know... Doing anything other than going dancing with them. Anyway, after I dropped them off- which wasn't too long after we were with you- I went to see Nancy. I couldn't leave without seeing her." Bucky twirled the liquid in his glass then added, "You know what, Steve? You get to see Peggy everyday, you are one lucky man and not that I'm _not_ happy for you, but... Well, what I wouldn't give to see more than just her picture."

Steve wanted to tell him he would see her again, maybe sooner rather than later, but he knew that wasn't what Bucky wanted to hear. He didn't want to have Bucky open up to him like this and then have him give him this half-assed and over used line that anyone else could have given him. The right thing was to just listen and just be there with him now.

"Thanks." Bucky said suddenly. "I've had a little too much to drink, it's late and you have a meeting early tomorrow, Cap."

They both stood and Steve pulled Bucky in for a hug then left. Bucky threw back Steve's unfinished drink then put the bottle away back in his trunk. He blew the candles out and kicked off his boots, letting himself flop onto the bed. He pulled out a small pocket watch Nancy's father had given him and looked at her picture. He felt a lump in his throat and warmth in his heart. She'd asked him not to cry when he missed her and she promised the same. She had said that if they did, it would seem like neither of them had much hope for reuniting after the war. Swallowing back, Bucky breathed out slowly and set the pocket watch on the headboard. He couldn't see her picture in the dark, but the ticking eased him to sleep.

~*~

The next morning, Bucky didn't have anything really to do. The commandos weren't set off to do anything until the next day in Switzerland, so it was pretty much a rest day for them. It was six or so, so Bucky put away his pocket watch and headed off for shower before breakfast at seven. He decided to take his breakfast with him so he could finish his letter. The post usually came around eight or nine and he wanted it finished before then.

Bucky took a sip of his coffee as he sat down. The coffee was always bitter and the metallic-y taste from the can. He set that down and re-read what was already written out, which wasn't much, then continued where he had left off.

_Dear Nancy,_

_I don't know how soon exactly you receive my letters, but, I don't usually get yours for at least a month after I sent mine. They're always moving us around, so don't worry if it takes a while to receive anything. Remember I told you about Steve? Well, he's different now. Some scientist did some sort of experiment and now he's Captain America- which I'm sure you've heard all about. He rescued the men of the 107th that had been captured and he saved me. If I had any previous doubts, they're definitely settled now. Steve's most definitely going to be my best man. By the way, you'll be able to throw that stupid Cracker Jack toy ring away because I'm going to buy you a real ring when I get back. The money I get every month, I send most of it back home to my folks, but I've been putting some away. I'll buy it with that. By the time I come back, it'll be enough. Maybe even more than enough! Anyway, I'm running out of room here, they practically give us scraps to write on. I want you to remember that I love you and I think about you and miss you every day. But I always make sure to keep your letters close and when I check the time, you're always there smiling up at me. I'm never without you._

_Love, Bucky_

Bucky scanned over it quickly to check if there were any misspellings and things. Satisfied, he folded the letter and put it in an envelope and wrote her address and name out as neatly as he could. He still had some time before the post came so he pulled his jacket on and stuck the envelope in his pocket until then.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the Commandos were still at the dining tent, so Bucky figured he may as well take his dishes back and wait there until the post came.

"Barnes, where the hell ya been?" Dugan called out as the rest of the team turned and looked at him.

Handing his dishes over, he smiled and made his way over to them. "I just had to finish something up."

They obviously didn't care much for what he had been doing so they carried on with their talking and drinking their bitter and metallic tasting coffee. Even though it was bad, Bucky poured himself some anyway and joined in. Not an hour passed when the post arrived.

"Mail call, fellas!"

Bucky almost leapt up, but instead nonchalantly looked over his shoulder and took another sip of coffee. He'd wait until after they handed all the mail out to give the postman his letter. He turned back around and carried on, but inside he could feel the anxiety growing as the postman called out men's last names to come get their mail. He was in the B's now and Bucky could feel the pace of his heart pick up.

"Barnes, James!"

He got up from the table a little more enthusiastically than he intended, but so had others, so there wasn't anything too out of the ordinary in that. The postman handed him a couple of letters and then moved on. Bucky walked back over to the table and opened up the letter from his parents up first. It was dated from almost three weeks ago and immediately he felt a pang of guilt. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he still couldn't help but feel bad for the unintended long lapses of time his parents had to wait to hear back from him. The letter was basically just asking how he was, that they were doing fine back home, that they missed him and updates on what they were hearing on the radio about the war.

The other letter was from Nancy. He smiled down at the envelope with his named written out beautifully in cursive.

"Whatcha get, Barnes?" Jones asked while looking past him to the postman as he neared his name.

"Uhm, just a letter from my folks and, uhm, friends."

Bucky put his parent's letter back in its envelope and put both theirs and Nancy's into his coat pocket.

" _Friends,_ huh?" Jones grinned. "You got yourself a girl back home, huh?"

The men chuckled and looked to Bucky's direction and he replied, "No, fellas, just family and friends."

Dugan grasped onto Bucky's shoulder and wagged a finger at him, "Come on, son. All your friends are here fightin' the war. Even your used-to-be skinny friend is here. Anyone back home sending you letters that ain't your family has got to be a girl."

Bucky clenched his jaw, but put a smile on. "Haha, well, fellas... You're right, but uh, I don't really want to talk about it. It's something I like to keep private."

"Son, come on! Give yourself something to talk about other than this goddamn war!" Dugan exclaimed.

Bucky could feel his blood boiling as the men laughed and insisted he talk. Steve managed to appear in the distance who seemed to be making his way over here, so Bucky got up and excused himself saying that he needed to go over something with Steve. Of course, the men booed, but Bucky ignored it and left.

"Jesus, Steve, those guys weren't going to let up. Especially when it comes to girls."

Steve chuckled and walked on past the tent with Bucky.

"So you got a letter back from her?"

Bucky reached into his coat pocket and grasped the letters. "Yes, but I haven't read it yet. I wasn't going to until I went back to my tent, you know, for privacy."

Steve nodded in agreement. "You finished and sent out that one from last night?"

"Yeah, I ju-" Bucky froze when he realized he left before giving the postman his letter. "Shit."

Both Steve and Bucky ran back over to the tent, but the postman had already gone. They asked around where was his next stop, but no one knew.

"Damn it!" Bucky pounded a fist on the counter. "Where the hell was his next stop?"

Steve looked around in all directions, but there was no sign of him.

"Maybe he went over there, or maybe he headed to those tents... I'll go check."

Bucky shook his head and slumped down at a table. "Thanks, bud, but it's alright. I'll just give my letter when we come back from Switzerland. I don't want us to waste our rest day chasing down the postman."

Steve gave him a reassuring squeeze to Bucky's shoulder and sat with him while so Bucky could fill him in on what his parents had sent.

After a while of chitchat, Bucky stood. "Hey, I think I'm going to head back to my tent and lay down. We won't be able to rest up like this for a while, you know?"

With that, Bucky headed back. He was anxious to read what Nancy had sent him and hoped no one noticed him walking as quickly as he was back to his tent. His bed looked so welcoming, so he flopped down and pulled the letter back out and admired her beautiful lettering before opening it to reveal a lightly pink tinted paper with more beautiful lettering.

_My Love,_

_I hate how long it takes for me to receive anything of yours. It feels like a mean game the post is playing, but I feel all the more grateful and excited when I finally do._

_I hope that you are well, though, I can't imagine you not being. You are brave and wonderful and as much as I so dearly want you here with me, I'm glad you're doing this service. It makes my family, your family, your country and I so very proud._

_I hope you don't mind, but I told my mother- and my mother only- about us wanting to marry when you come home. She began to cry and laugh and hugged me. She was so happy for us and even thought the Cracker Jack ring you gave me was quite romantic. I feel she may even love you more than me! Which, by the way reminds me... You better be good over there, James Buchanan Barnes. You and I both clearly know about your past with women, though, I'm sure you're probably thinking the same of me here but I'm proud to tell you that I look at no other men because I am promised to you and solely you._

_You come back to me, James. You end this horrible war and you come back. Know that I think of you constantly and am missing you dearly. I love you with all my heart and I'm looking forward to the day you end up back at my doorstep._

_With love,_   
_Your Nancy_

Bucky felt tears sting his eyes and he squeezed them shut and pinched the birdge of his nose before they had a chance to roll down his cheeks.

_No crying, okay? For either of us. Crying means we haven't got enough hope._

Nancy's voice echoed in his head. She was right, they had to grab hold of all the hope they could. Grab hold tightly and never allot an opportunity for it to loosen from your grasp and let it slip away. Bucky took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. He opened his eyes back up and took a moment before looking over the letter again. His eyes followed the smoothness of her handwriting but stopped at one particular line: "I am promised to you and solely you". He knew that it was more than their little engagement that she referred to. He laid back and set the letter down over his chest. That day, he remembered that day as thought it had just happened yesterday. He smiled and chuckled to himself.

~*~


	3. Chapter 3

They had spent the day together, strolling along. He had taken her to Coney Island and had bought her flowers. All day, however, he felt uneasy and she could tell. He had refused to talk about it until he took her back home that evening. It was good, he had thought, that her parents weren't home when he had to tell her. They were in the living room with the radio on and he sat on the couch as he watched her put the flowers he had given her in a baby blue vase.

"You want to follow me upstairs? I want these in my room." She had said.

There was a moment of hesitation before Bucky got up. Even though he'd been to bed with a few girls, he'd never gotten used to going up to their rooms without their parents being home. It was disrespectful, but for the sake of another conquest, he did it anyway. Though, the way Nancy had suggested it didn't really hint at anything mischievous, or at least Bucky hadn't exactly picked up on it.

"Hey, Nancy?" Bucky spoke up quietly while he leaned against her doorframe.

"Hmm?" Nancy continued to move some things around on her dresser for her vase.

"I gotta tell you something and, well, it's something I should've told you right after I did it..."

Nancy stopped what she'd been doing and turned around. "Bucky, is everything alright?"

He sighed out and continued. "Yeah, I mean it's something that was going to happen, you know? I had to... I- I enlisted." Bucky saw as her lips began tremble and looked down to the floor to keep from seeing any more. "I had to, you know I did. I-"

"Bucky, Bucky no." Her voice was quiet and her head slowly shook from side to side. "No, no, no..."

"Nancy, I'm so-"

"No! You can't!" Her sudden loudness startled him that he took a step back and flinched slightly. "You're sorry? You're sorry, Bucky? To hell with that! My father was right. Falling in love during times like these was a mistake! A mistake!"

Her words pierced Bucky like sharp knives. He knew she was mad and people tended to say things they didn't mean in the heat of anger, but still, they hurt nonetheless.

Bucky walked over to her slowly and extended his hand out to her. "Nancy, please..."

"No! I hate you!" She screamed and swatted him away. "You made me fall in love with you and now you're leaving! I- I knew you were going to have to leave, so I can't just hate you. I hate me too, but I still want you gone. Leave!" Nancy's eyes were flooded with tears and droplets slid down her flushed cheeks whilie her hands were balled into fists and her lips continued to tremble. "Go away, I hate you!" She continued.

This was worse than getting slapped in the face and punched in the gut. Still, Bucky moved towards her and even as she tried shoving him away, he managed to pull her in and hold her close. She buried her face into her shirt and sobbed. Bucky ran one hand up and down her back and the other held her head against him.

He kissed the top of her head and as her sobs became small gasps, he said quietly, "I love you, Nancy... A-and when this war is over and I come back, I'm going to marry you."

Nancy sniffled and looked up to meet Bucky's eyes. Her own were red and still had brimming tears.

"You do?" Her voice was a little shaky as she spoke but her eyes lightened up. "I love you, too, Bucky." She replied as the corner of her lips spread out to form a smile.

Bucky smiled and held her against him again. She nestled her face by his neck as his arms held her tightly. She began to place small kisses against the skin of his neck then the kisses became licks and small nips. Bucky's eyes widened, she hadn't ever done this before. She had hardly began letting them kiss open mouthed.

"Nancy, wha- what are yo-"

She cut him off as she pulled away from him. Her eyes had cleared up and read as something unlike anything he had ever seen in them previously.

"I wanted to wait at least a while longer, but it seems that it'll have to be pushed to happen a little sooner..." Before Bucky could say anything, Nancy cupped her hands around his face and continued, her voice no longer trembling, but still, it was quiet. "I- I want you to make love to me."

Bucky's eyes widened and no sound came from his parted lips for moment. "I, uhm, Nancy, I don't want you to rush this. I don't want you to feel like I told you this in order for you to go to bed with me before I left. Those weren't my intentions."

Nancy smiled and chuckled lightly. "I don't feel that. I want you to give you this moment, Bucky, a moment I have never given to anyone, because I really do love you."

Bucky said nothing. He wanted to protest, but she was so stubborn that it would just turn to argument and he didn't want to leave on bad terms with her. He looked over her face, she was biting her lip and he could see that her expression read anxiety as to what he could be thinking. He let his hands run down her arms slowly and took her hands in his. A smile broke over his face and he nodded. She, too, stopped biting her lip and smiled. Then, slowly, she let go of his hands and pushed him lightly so that he sat on her bed. Averting his gaze, Nancy looked down at herself and slowly began to unbutton her dress then let it fall off and land at her feet. Bucky looked her over. Beginning, of course, at her blushing face then slowly let his eys drift downwards to her chest that filled up her bra nicely, past her torso to where her hips widened and her panties rested just below her belly button. He bit his lip and moved his eyes back up to meet hers.

"I've never undressed in front of a man before..." She said quietly, twiddling her fingers. "Am I... Is thi-"

Bucky raised his hand and stood. "You look beautiful."

He moved towards her and planted his lips onto hers and kissed her deeply, a soft moan sounded from her. Then, he began unbuttoning his shirt and Nancy's hands wrapped around his neck, but suddenly felt them move south towards his belt. Pulling away and letting his lips hover over hers, they both chuckled and she began undoing his belt and pants. He kicked them aside and pulled away again in order to take his shoes and socks off. Before being able to reunite their lips, Nancy pushed him back down softly onto her bed and climbed on, straddling his lap. Her hands ran down his chest before she reached behind herself and unhooked her bra. Bucky's eyes gazed over her and watched as the straps slowly fell off her shoulders and then revealed her bare breasts.

"Nancy, you are so beautiful." He said again, laying back and flipping them over so that he was on top her.

Bucky traced a finger up her arm and then gently began caressing her left breast. Nancy bit her lip and gripped lightly onto Bucky's forearm. Her nipple had slowly become erect and without hesitation, Bucky let his lips hover over her breast and let his tongue swirl around her nipple. Nancy moved her hand up to Bucky's head and let her fingers run through his dark hair. She gasped quietly as his suckling, kissing and swirling hastened. He placed one more kiss then moved his face up to the crook of her neck while his left hand moved slowly down her torso until it reached the hem of her panties.

Since things were different with Nancy, and with any other girl he would have just tugged down their panties and went on with it, he paused and spoke against her skin. "Do you want me to go on?"

Nancy nodded as she looked down and watched Bucky trace his finger along the hem of her panties and gasped out, "Yes, Bucky. Please."

He nipped her neck slightly as her response made a chill run through his spine then slowly began to trail kisses over her breasts and down along her tummy until he reached right between her thighs. There, he stopped and got up. As he stood over her, the dim lighting of her lamp cast shadows over her skin and accentuated her breasts and curves. His hands moved up her thighs and grasped onto the panties' hem. Nancy bit her lip nervously and moved her legs so that she was still covering herself as Bucky removed her panties. He read her expression and smiled as he slowly parted her legs. A moan escaped from deep within his throat when he saw a slight glisten and could tell she was wet. Bucky knelt down and placed kisses along the inside of her thighs before moving slowly towards her wet and waiting center. He held one leg down with one hand and had let the other move up to hold her hand. He let his hot breath touch her first before letting his tongue start swirling over her throbbing bud. Nancy took a sharp breath, she hadn't expected to feel something so soon. Bucky smiled and placed his mouth against her and began swirling his tongue and sucking lightly. Nancy's grip on both Bucky's hand and on the chunk of his hair tightened as his mouth and tongue did its work on her. His tongue swirled around her bud and with each motion a feeling deep within her intensified and undid her more so that her breathing became more labored and her gasps and moans became more difficult to keep quiet.

"Oh, Bucky." She gasped.

Bucky had started picking up the pace and she started moving her hips so that she was grinding against his mouth. The feeling became more powerful and her legs were beginning to tremble.

"Bu- oh, Bucky... Oh god, please. Don't stop, please."

Her pleading and the sounds that managed to escape her lips urged him on and made him harder. She was beginning to squirm so he let go of her hand and tried to hold her down at her pelvis. She was getting louder and moving harder against his mouth. Then, she screamed out as the feeling surged throughout her body. He kept at it, swirling and flicking as she grounded it out until she slowed and her moans quieted down. He pulled away when she stopped. Her fingers ran through his hair as she looked down at him and grinned, her eyes trying to focus as she still tried to settle down after her high.

"Are you ready?" He asked, moving back up so that he was over her again.

She searched his eyes for a moment then nodded yes. A nervous little smile formed over her lips. Bucky kissed her deeply before getting back off the bed and ridding himself of the constraint against his erection. Nancy's eyes widened and a bit of fear flickered in them. She hadn't expected Bucky to be that big, but she wasn't going to back out. She wanted more and needed him badly, so she sat up and took hold of his hand and pulled him down with her. He positioned himself between her legs and looked back up at her.

"I'll be as gentle as I can." He assured. "Tell me if it's too much, okay, just say the word."

Nancy stayed silent and nodded only. He took a deep breath and waited as she took one too before he looked back down, took hold of himself and began easing the tip in slowly. Immediately Nancy could feel Bucky stretching her out so she squeezed her eyes shut but a soft squeal escaped. Bucky stopped and asked if she was alright. She nodded quickly and urged him to keep going. There was another sharp pain and then he was all the way in. Nancy sighed out and inhaled sharply, feeling lightheaded from holding her breath. Bucky laughed and asked if she was alright. Again, she just nodded and positioned herself better and immediately Bucky started moving, slowly at first, in and out. Nancy sighed out and pulled Bucky closer against her. The feeling inside of her from earlier was building back up slowly and easily.

"Oh, Bucky." She moaned softly in his ear. "Oh, please go a little faster."

The pace of him pumping in and out picked up and Nancy's breathing hitched and her nails dug a little more into his skin. Her heart rate was also picking up and the pleasure was causing her to gasp out and moan louder now. Bucky wanted to go faster and faster, but this was her moment and he didn't want to do something without her asking him to, also, he wanted to hear the whimper in her request and her breath hitch as she tried to speak. Nancy tried moving against him, but on her back it was a little difficult.

"Can I, mmmh... Can I get on t- top?" She asked breathily.

Without a word, Bucky rolled them over, trying to stay inside her, but couldn't. Now on his back, Nancy smiled mischievously up at him and stroked his erection. She watched as his head tilted back and felt chills as a moan rumbled from deep within his throat. She moved over him so that now she was straddling him and positioned his member right under her. Letting the tip in slowly, this time she moaned out instead of gasp and wince as he stretched her. She moved up and down and let his tip in and out a little, teasing him. Bucky laughed when he caught on and saw the flicker of playfulness in her expression. She, too, laughed and finally let him all the way inside of her.

"Oh god, Nance..." Bucky mumbled letting his head loll back against the pillow.

Not knowing exactly what to do, Nancy started riding him up and down slowly. Then, with a little more confidence, began to roll her hips so that now she was grinding against him. There was that feeling again and the more she moved against him, the more it intensified. Soon, she was moving faster and Bucky looked up at her face to see that mouth was hanging open and her eyes were shut tightly. Her hand was pressed down against his chest and she could feel the rumble as he grunted and moaned. She was getting louder and was beginning to gasp out his name, so with a swift movement, Bucky pulled her down, held her tightly and began pumping in and out of her as fast as he could.

"Oh, Bucky! Uh, oh fuck! Fuck, don't stop, oh please!"

Hearing her cry out and swear like that only turned him on even more, so he flipped them over so that she was on her back again and grabbed hold of her by the ankles. He thrust his hips fast and hard, panting as he felt himself reaching his peak.

"Nance, I- uh, fuck... I- I'm gonna come." His words came out breathily and spaced out.

Nancy, too, was close and was grasping at her bed sheets. "Don't stop, Bucky, oh please." She begged.

With loud, drawn out moan Bucky came inside of her, but continued pumping to let her finish as well. Her breath hitched and for a moment she stopped breathing as the ecstasy flooded her entire body. Though she screamed out, it felt like for that moment, it was just her and the magnificent pleasure. Her eyes were tightly shut and after coming down from her climax, Nancy fluttered them open to find that Bucky had collapsed next to her. Both of them were breathing heavily and had a light bit of perspiration beading on their foreheads.

Between breathes, Bucky managed to grumble, "Jesus, Nancy, that was... That was fucking great."

She giggled and was about to nestle against him, but instead her eyes shot wide open and she sprang out of bed and quickly began to dress. It was almost ten and her parents were do home from a dinner part within the hour. Bucky sprang up too and helped her strip her sheets and set in new ones.

Kissing her goodbye afterwards, he practically sprinted home where his parents immediately began questioning his whereabouts. He brushed it off with some excuse about being out with friends and having been down at Coney Island all day. Bucky flopped onto his back and couldn't help but laugh at himself and imagine the big, doofus grin he had plastered on his face. He had been to bed with a good handful of girls, this time it was so unexpected and wonderful and different because it happened out of love rather than need for another lustful conquest. Up until the day he left, they never did it again, but rather discreetly brought it up and giggled about it like school children.

~*~

Bucky suddenly realized he had grown hard in his pants after drifting back from the memory. "Shit..." He muttered.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky had spent of the rest day they had left by himself, but later that evening anyone who wanted were getting together to drink and see off the Commandos before their mission the next day. On his way their, Bucky couldn't help but smile that ever since Steve got here the whole 107th's spirits had been lifted and bringing together The Howling Commandos gave him the sort of recognition he had been striving for.

"Barnes!" Dugan called out.

Dugan was always the first to get drunk and the last one to finish up the night. He already had a round ready for Bucky and Steve, who was already there and waiting with an open seat.

Handing him his drink, Steve gave Bucky a friendly slap on the back, "Buck, where ya been? I hardly saw you at all today."

Bucky was downing his beer then replied as he finished and signaled to the bar for another. "Yeah, I was just tired... Wanted some peace and quiet before this." He motioned to all the commotion and rowdiness around them and at their table.

Steve never knew Bucky to be like this. Then again, Bucky had done a lot of changing since before the war, but now he wasn't really sure whether he was being like this now because of it or because of Nancy.

"You alright." Steve asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

Bucky laughed off Steve's sudden concern. "No, I'm fine!"

The smile and laugh were an act and Steve could tell. "Buck, really what's going on?"

Bucky's smile slowly faded and he looked down at his drink. There was laughter and yelling and merriness all around him, but he felt apart and disconnected from it all. Since this morning when he failed to send off his letter to Nancy, he'd felt this way. Steve was noticing the change in his friend's demeanor, so he excused them and pulled Bucky aside to the other side where it was more quiet. They approached the bar and Bucky ordered some bandy for the both of them.

"Are you still upset about not sending her your letter?" Steve asked as he took a seat on a stool. "I'm sure I can get some strings pulled and get that delivered... Maybe even tonight!"

Bucky shook his head and continued to look at his drink. "Steve, I don't know... I feel like something's gonna happen. I mean, ever since I talked about her last night I forgot to send the letter, I couldn't bring myself to really do anything except lay in bed all day and now I feel like, well, like something's gonna happen tomorrow."

Steve's eyebrows were furrowed and his mind raced with concern and the fact that what Bucky had said was actually adding up. _Maybe he was right to be worried... Maybe we shouldn't have talked about her. Maybe- No._ Stevestopped himself and pushed those thoughts from his mind. Bucky's superstitions couldn't possibly be nor were real. Steve believed Bucky and Nancy have a future after the war and Bucky's over anticipating getting home were the culprit of the creation of these coincidental occurrences.

"I feel like Fate's got a plan of it's own, Steve." Bucky said before taking a drink. "I think I've got something waiting for me... I don't think I'll be seeing Na-"

Steve shoved Bucky a little more roughly than he intended causing him to spill some of his beer, not that he seemed to mind. "Stop. Don't talk like that, Buck. That's the war and the deep desire you have of getting home talking. This is the superstition getting in your head. You're fate is what you make it and I for one believe it's with Nancy after this war, but in the end it's up to you."

Bucky downed his glass then grabbed Steve's and took a drink of that, tears began welling up in his eyes. "Fuck, Steve, I'm just so goddamn terrified I'll never see her again." The tears began rolling down his cheeks and he threw back the rest of Steve's brandy. "I love her so much, Steve, I want to be able to see her again."

Bucky let his head hang as he sobbed quietly. Steve watched for a moment as his friend broke down unlike any way he'd ever seen him. Bucky was always the strong one who had it together and he couldn't believe this was the same man. Snapping out of his own stun and, at first, lightly gripped Bucky's arm to give it a shake. When Bucky did nothing but continue to sob, Steve grabbed him and spun him around so that he was now looking at him. Though, Bucky's head still hung.

"Buck, stop." Steve's tone wasn't soft or comforting, instead, it was low and firm.

Responding to the tone almosst on command, Bucky continued to sniffle but raised his head to meet Steve's eye level.

His friend's eyes were red and still had tears falling from them so Steve softned his expression and let up his grip on Bucky's arms. "You can't let yourself become this. You've always had it together whether it was for you, your folks or me. I can't say that I understand what you feel for her and the worries you've been having to carry with you for that, because I don't, but it doesn't stop me from telling you that this weakness is something you need to overcome... I had to and I did, you know that."

There was a silence between them when Steve finished. Bucky looked down at his hands, a mixture of embarrassment and comfort took over. He wiped the tears away and took a minute as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I think it should go unsaid that you're right." Bucky said suddenly, still pinching and eyes still shut.

They both let out a laugh and Steve motioned for another round.

"Christ, Steve, I've never, haha, I've never fucking cried like that for anything."

Steve looked around and noticed two ladies across the room and another coming in. "Buck, watch your language."

Bucky snorted and opened his eyes. "Come on, you don't think they've heard worse?" He took a drink with a smile still on his face and as he set his drink down and swallowed, his smile faded. "Steve, I, uhm... I'm really glad you've been here for me. Even though I didn't want you to help me because I'm still in the same damn mindset that you're smaller than me and that I'm here for you. It's, you know, weird that the roles have sort of changed..." He raised the glass again to his lips, but paused to add, "Don't think that because I've saved your hide all those years that you're in debt to me or something."

A smile formed at the corner of Steve's lips. "Haha, there were a lot of times, I owe you something." He responded half-jokingly and Bucky shrugged with a smile. "We're here for each other, Buck. 'Until the end of the line', remember?"

"Yeah, 'til the end of the line." Bucky repeated softly.

~*~

The next day was bright and early. The sky was still dark and though they got a lift on one of Stark's planes, there was no time for a wink of sleep because they had to go over the whole plan. Once they reached their destination, they were dropped off on a near by cliff with the railroad in sight. The smoke of the train could be seen far in the distance.

The cold wind whipped across Bucky's face, but he wasn't really sure whether the chill down his spine was from that or the fact that they had to zip-line onto the train with a ten second window.

"Excited or nervous?" Steve asked nudging Bucky's arm.

Immediately, the day at Coney Island when he made Steve ride the rollercoaster with him came to mind. Though, Steve responded by claiming it wasn't payback, Bucky scoffed and took postion as the train approached. When Steve went off, Bucky took a breath in and followed behind. On the roof, the velocity of the train made everything that was moving past them look nothing more like a blur of white and gray. Trailing behind, he felt his head spin slightly as he focused on the unmoving roof below his feet while the blurs whoosed past him. Since they woke up and arrrived here, Bucky had tried not to think about how desperately he wanted to be back with Nancy, but rather what he had to do in order to earn his way back. Right now, it was following Steve and helping him take down Hydra. Even when the doors shut and separated he and Steve, Bucky remained focus. Even when he ran out of ammunition, he continued to believe he had this guy on the ropes. In the few seconds it took Bucky from standing on a solid floor to hanging on a blown off wall of the train, he felt a rush of panic flood him completely. Still, as he reached upwards, that glimmer of hope he had promised Nancy remained because there was Steve who would always be there as Bucky had always been for him.

Then, in an instant, he felt nothing. No disappointment, no anger, no sadness and no hope. He only saw Steve as he got smaller and moved farther away, then, he saw only Nancy. She was there at the stand filling up a bag of apples and smiling. After that, he saw nothing but blood as it trailed before him.

~*~

There were blurs and voices that sounded so distant. Words and phrases that sounded familiar, then severe pain then blackness. He opened his eyes and all around him were strangers. Strangers with clipboards and machines and something that did not belong to him... Or had it? There was confusion, fear and panic rushing over him, but they strapped him down and a voice that came from a face he did not recognize spoke to him soflty.

"He is your new mission."

A picture of blond-haired man was raised up for him to see. He stopped fighting back and the hands let him go. The feelings he had felt suddenly drained and slowly he sat up. There was this automatic reaction of focus and attentiveness when the man explained his intructions. He stared on at the picture held out in front of him. The picture had been taken from afar, but still it was clear that he must have been fighting. His eyes drifted from the blond-haired man's face to the shield he held.

_The star... Those colors..._

"Wh- who is he?"

The picture was slowly lowered and the man straightened up.

Suddenly, and as if it were happening right now, there was that blond-haired man standing in front if him and now they weren't in this room... They were somewhere it was cold and images that blurred together moved past them. The man before him before him didn't look beat up and focused, rather, the man smiled back at him and motioned him over then disappeared into the floor beneath them. A strange familiar warmth filled his chest when he had seen the blond-haired man, but then there was someone else coming to mind. They were somewhere it was warmer and a bright light shone over his eyes. The warm feeling in his chest intensified and tears now stung his eyes, but he didn't now why. The person now before him turned, they're brown curls moving to the side, and smiled.

"Who are they?" He asked now as the first year ran down his face.

The man who had held the picture now stood over him, frowning. He looked to someone who was standing behind them and out of view.

"Wipe him and start again."

This time, he more voluntarily laid back, took the mouth piece in and waited. The pain that flooded into his head wiped away the image of the man on the bridge and also cleared away, like an eraser to pencil on paper, the image of the woman who had smiled at him.


	5. Chapter 5

_Peggy is right._

Steve had to come to terms with that. Bucky's service had made him an honorable man, if he wasn't already, and it was only right that he not mourn and allow his best friend that honorable soldiers death. They had allotted Steve a short opportunity to go back to base and gather up Bucky's things.

_There isn't anyone else but me to do that._

Peggy had understood and got him the time he needed. Steve packed his clothes and things to ship back to his parent's home. He also put in his own condolence letter for them. He noticed a couple more shirts and jacket on the chair and when he reached for them, Steve realized that was the jacket Bucky had had on when he forgot to send his letter. Almost in a frantic manner, he searched the pockets and found his parent's letter, Nancy's and the unsent one. He held the un-mailed letter in his hand for a moment, then took a seat at the desk and pulled out a fresh sheet.

_Dear Nancy,_

_This is Steve Rogers. I would hope that Bucky had the courtesy to mention me at least once in conversation._

Steve paused for a moment as he smiled and began to wonder how exactly Bucky would have brought him up. The smile quickly faded as the weight of the reality of the situation set itself back upon him.

_Though I have never met you, and it wasn't until recently that Bucky had actually spoke about you, my heart breaks as I deliver you this devastating news... My closest friend and your fiancé died while on a mission we were on. He and I were in a train, the side was blown off and he hung onto a metal bar. I climbed down to reach for him and the bar broke off and he fell to the bottom._

_As much as I could tell you that I tried, I really did, I won't blame you for hating me. Even I hold blame against myself. Bucky had been there my whole life, no matter what it was, and the one real time he needed me I couldn't. He was an already honorable man and his services made him that much more. He wanted to get back home and be with you so badly, more than anything I ever knew he wanted. He loved you so much and the way his whole demeanor lit up when he mentioned you, I'm glad I was able to see him like that._

_I wish there was more I could do or even say, but for now I give you my deepest condolences._

_Sincerely,_ _Steve_

Tears had welled back up in his eyes, but he took a deep breath in and folded up the letter and stuck it in an envelope. Before sealing it, he felt it only right to give them back the pocket watch they had given Bucky. Steve stood and rummaged back through the crate and placed it inside with his letter. He made sure that all of Bucky's things, including the letters to Nancy, were going to be delivered as carefully and as soon as possible. Everything after that had happened so quickly that he barely had time to really be able to let Bucky back in his head. Even as he was set to crash into the ice, and apart from thinking about Peggy, there was a split moment when Bucky's smiling face looked back at him.

~*~

"Nancy, there's something in the mail for you... Oh! It's from James!"

Not wasting a single second, Nancy kept off her bed, dashed downstairs and with a grin that stretched from ear to ear she took the letters her mother held out to her. Her eyes moved quickly over each word, each line. She felt her heart flutter at him mentioning getting married and sighed out at his determination to give her more even though she was more than happy with what she already had.

"The other letter was a little heavier, maybe he sent you a present." Her mother teased and winked.

Nancy rolled her eyes and smiled as she opened up the second letter. As she read out Steve's name, she furrowed her eyebrows and read more slowly and carefully. The moment she read what had happened, it was as if the world froze and it was just her and the crushing feeling that was quickly intensifying within her chest. Feeling the envelope that had contained Steve's letter, she could make out the pocket watch they had given Bucky. Her breath caught inside her and everything around seemed to move in slow motion. Her heart raced and tears, like waterfalls, instantly began to stream down her face. She tried to call out for her mother that had disappeared into the kitchen, but no sound came out and instead slowly collapsed to the floor.

Then like after the delayed thunder after the lightning, Nancy's scream filled the entire house and her mother dashed to her followed by her father and younger brother practically tumbling downstairs. Nancy clutched herself and wept loudly even though she herself could barely catch her breath. Her mother collapsed to the floor and held her daughter tightly desperately asking what had happened. Her father picked up the pocket watch that had fallen out of the envelope and with one look to his wife, nothing else needed to be explained.

Soon, Nancy's screams and weeping became quiet sobbing as her mother nestled her into her lap and held her closely. Her world, in one instant, had come crashing down and everything she had hoped for was gone. All the faith she had so desperately been grasping onto, she believed had turned out for naught. Nancy felt a piece of herself- maybe her soul, she didn't know- had died along with the man whose future she believed she was going to share with.

Nancy's own mother's voice trembling from her own crying, but still she managed to say, "Remember, Nancy, he was never without you and though this is just one day out of your whole life, that boy is the kind you keep with you always no matter what. Fate has it's own plan for you as it did for him... But, whatever happens with you from this day on, never be without him."

Fresh tears fell from Nancy's eyes. "Our fate is our own, how come we can't do anything about it?" From all the crying, Nancy hiccupped. "Our fate was supposed to be for us to spend the rest of our lives together. How can life let us believe one thing and then snatch it away from us and call it fate?"

Nancy's mother tucked the locks of her daughter's dark curls behind her ear. She did not answer, Nancy was right. Her own eyes brimmed with tears at the fact that her daughter had tasted Life's bitterness so early.

~*~

"Cecilia, turn the tv on, it's five o'clock already."

The woman moved from the kitchen to the living room where the baby had been playing with the remote. She switched it out for a toy, but the baby crawled away to the coffee table where she heaved herself up and started banging her small palm against the top. Chuckling, the woman did what she was told and put on the evening news.

"Mommy, what's Mary doing?" Asked a much younger woman who was coming down the stairs.

The woman, Cecilia, chuckled again as the baby plopped on her bottom. "Nothing, just bein' silly."

Cecilia went back over the kitchen when her daughter picked up her baby. She flicked the oven's light on to see that the chocolate pies' crusts were beginning to look golden.

"Mom, they're looking really good. You think you made enough for everyone else?"

The old woman scoffed, "I think I made just enough with this last one." She handed over the last pie to her daughter and grabbed her cane to make her way over to the couch. "I think I'll take a minute before starting on th-"

Cecilia stopped her, "No, you've done enough, mom. You watch the news and Kat and I will finish up." She gave her mother a warm smile and then continued where she had left off.

"I'm eighty-nine, sweetheart, not crippled... And walking with a cane isn't being crippled!" Hearing the women chuckle behind her, she smiled and settled on the couch where Kat had set the baby.

_A crash on the highway just passing downtown has caused..._

"Damn people who don't know how to drive..." She muttered as the baby rested in her arms and tugged at her stuffed elephant's ears.

"Mom, the baby..." Cecilia reminded giving her mother a knowing look.

"I used that language with all six of you and with all of your kids, right Kat? Even worse probably..." The women laughed, but soon her coughing ceased it and her daughter came over to her.

_As you can see we were able to get footage of two men fi- Wow! Did you see that? That's some heavy artillery!_

While Cecilia was trying to get a response from her mother whether or not she needed water, the old woman held hand over her mouth and swatted in her daughter's direction to shush her. The images of the two men fighting had caught her attention. The blond-haired man in particular...

"What is he holding?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper.

_Sources tell us that ol' Cap was downtown saving the day. Our sources also tell us that whoever he was up against got away, but images taken by onlookers have come pouring in. Here is they are..._

As soon as they showed the Steve's mysterious opponent, she was suddenly twenty again and in her bedroom gazing at the picture at her bed stand. His warm smile filled her heart with joy and the way his arms had wrapped around her on that day they had taken the photo made her tummy fill with butterflies and made her grin so wide as she imagined their lives together as soon as he came home.

"Oh my god..."

Cecilia looked from her mother to the tv then back to her. "Mom? Mom, what's wrong?"

Kat had now come over to see what was going on. Both she and her mother were lost at to what the old woman had suddenly been stunned by. They both looked at each other with an equally confused and lost expression.

The man who had been fighting against Steve's picture was slightly blurry from the movement of the photographer and even with the outgrown hair, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Though he looked just about the same as he did seventy years ago, the image showed him as cold and empty.

"Bucky." She whispered. "It's my Bucky." Her voiced cracked and on that cue tears that had been welling up in her eyes fell and rolled down her cheeks.

Now even more lost and confused the two women were not only asking if she was alright, but also what she meant when she said that name. The old woman ignored them both and silently let her tears fall as she stood and made her way over to the next room where the bookshelves were. Her hands now shook more than they already did by the developing Parkinson's as she grabbed the small wooden box that was in the china cabinet and from inside it, took out the pocket watch and the old photo she had had at her bed stand those seventy years ago.

 


	6. Chapter 6

"I have never told anyone about this" she began "not your father nor your step-father. It was way before I had met either of them anyway." She handed both things over to her daughter and her granddaughter looked over her mother's shoulder. "That wasn't long before he left and actually..." She moved her head closer to get another look at the photo, "That wasn't too long after I lost my virginity to him."

Cecilia and Kat looked up at the old woman, wide eyed and mouths hung open. Then, the both of them let out a burst of laughter. The old woman tried to smile along, but her eyes still had tears and her mind was racing even as she tried to hold her composure.

"We wrote so many letters to each other, I still have them all but they're hidden because all the men I've married are snoopers and can't their paws off of things." Again the women laughed, except for herself. "I thought he'd died... I thought I'd lost him and I couldn't believe it. Not months afterwards and even years later could I fully come to terms that he was gone forever, or, so I thought he was." Her gaze fell back over to the tv and the replays of the footage and images that were captured. "How is here now? Who did this to him?"

Cecilia handed back the pocket watch and the photograph and the old woman took them and clutched them tightly. She let her tears fall and land on her hand which held her old things that for the longest time she believed were the last of what was Bucky.

"As much as I loved your father and love your step-father, I have never been able to feel what I had towards Bucky with anyone else. That only happens once, if ever at all." She shook her head slowly and sighed out. "For months and months after I thought I'd lost him, I let myself fall into depression. I let myself mourn and feel weak for far too long. Then, one day a thought popped into my head- one that had I never come across. I thought to myself, _Bucky would not want this. Bucky didn't die for this._ So I straightened up and made myself deal with the fact that he was gone and what he'd done was honorable and I was happy that I had spent any time with him at all. Still, even as I moved on in life, got married and had kids I never forgot what he'd written to me and how my mother, on the day I find out about his death reminded me of that. So all my life, I was never without him." Her lips trembled and fresh tears formed in her eyes. "And now... And now he's here again and they've changed him. My Bucky, my poor Bucky."

The old woman sobbed quietly as her daughter took her in her arms, like her mother had all those years ago.

~*~

A rage had begun to build up inside of him. They had taken his honor, his loyalty and the closest friend he'd ever had. What more had Hydra taken from him? After he left Steve at the shore and after he'd seen the exhibit, things had started to connect, but weren't competely cleat yet. Especially the flashes where he was standing outside and the sun was shining on his face and the girl with the dark curls smiled at him.

_Who is she?_

She wasn't connecting with the rest of the scattered memories and flashes. Out of everything, she frustrated him the most. Why was he remembering her? Was it a sister? A friend? A lover? How much, excatly, had she meant to him if he was remembering her with everything else?

Months passed before, and by chance, that he saw a woman with a child. He hardly ever left the apartment in which he stayed, only for essentials and when he was able to pick up on those who had to do with he had previously been a part of. He had been on his way pick up some food and things that could easily be made that usually came from a pantry. Had he not paused just for that moment in front of the liquor store to debate whether or not he should succumb to the urge for some brandy, he would not have in the reflection seen the woman holding her child behind him looking through the man's fruit cart. He would also not have seen the flash of the woman who smiled at him right there before him picking apples into the paper bag. Slowly, he turned and there she was.

_Nancy?_

He heard the name in his head as clearly as though it had been spoken out loud. Suddenly, he remembered. The apple stand, Coney Island, the flowers, the night they had made love and the pocket watch her father had given him right before he left. The woman still did not see him as he stood in front of the liquor store. The baby, however, had and giggled when the man looked to her. She threw her stuffed elephant to the floor and though people passed by, no one bothered to pick it up. There was hesitation to approach her, but thought of letting this moment pass and possibly losing her again, he made his way over, his steps slow and steady. Again the baby giggled as he bent down to pick up and hand her back her elephant. The woman had now noticed him.

"Oh, thank you." She said with a smile. "I would've left without even knowing she'd dropped it."There was no response from him and the woman shifted her baby to the other hip, her smile faded as the man continued to stare on. "Thanks again." With that, she grabbed her bag with the fresh produce and turned to leave.

"N- Nancy, wait." He said suddenly with his hand having extended out slightly.

She froze and turned partially back to face him. "What?"

He let his hand fall back at his side. "James, remember? Though, I can hardly remember..."

The woman furrowed her eyebrows at him. "I- I don't know you... And as for Nancy, I only know one and I don't think y-"

Mid sentence, she stopped and her eyes widened. His face had been familiar, she had seen it plastered on every television screen for days and even a few weeks after the highway incident with Captain America. She had also seen a softer and kinder version of that face in her grandmother's picture that had been taken seventy years ago.

"Bucky? You're Bucky?" she asked now moving closer to him. "Oh my god... You're him."

Now it was his turn to be confused. If this woman wasn't Nancy, though she was a spitting image of her, then who was she?

"She thought you were dead."

"Who did?"

Rolling her eyes, she responded "Nancy, my grandmother."

_Grandmother?_

Again she re-adjusted the baby on her hip as she watched his expression contort into a deeper confusion. Not knowing what else or how else to explain to him and knowing this would most probably be her one and only opportunity to do this, she stepped closer to him.

"Do you want to see her?" She asked, her tone more hushed.

Bucky took a moment to let her question sink in. His memory of her had literally just resurfaced itself and now after who knows how long he would finally reunite with Nancy, but was he in actuality ready for that? Obviously they are at a different time and Nancy has lived her life, but the least he could do was give them closure they both deserved. Swallowing, but still not able to bring himself to respond in words, he nodded. In return, she gave him a small melancholiac smile and had him take a cab with her.

When they arrived, the sky had darkened some and Kat didn't move to get out. "I can't be here for this. It's between you and her, so go on."

Bucky looked at her, his eyes almost seemed to ask for her to come with him. Though, he didn't even know her and has he realized it was strange for his dependence to have her there with him, he stepped out of the cab and watched as it drove away. He turned to face the building and saw that two lights were on- one downstairs and one upstairs.

_Her husband._

His thought was bitter, but what did he expect? She certainly wasn't going to waste those seventy years moping and mourning him nor would he have wanted her to. Feeling like he might draw attention just standing there and knowing that if he walked away now he wouldn't ever come back to face this, he moved slowly up the steps. It felt like he was dreaming walking up to her door.

_I'm looking forward to the day you end up back at my doorstep._

Theline repeated itself so clearly and suddenly he was seeing her last letter to him as if he back on his bed the day before they went to Switzerland. How beautiful her handwriting had been and how he had followed the flow of it as he read it through. He could feel a warmth build up in his chest and tears beginning to sting his eyes and without hesitation, he knocked on her door. It was a moment or two before someone answered. An old man with glasses appeared at the door.

"You alright, son?" He asked when he saw that Bucky's eyes were red and teary.

Comings from up the stairs, a voice called out, "David, who is i-" she stopped mid sentence when she reached the bottom of the stairs and covered her mouth as disbelief took over and tears formed in her own eyes. "Bucky..."

"I'm so sorry, Nancy..." He managed to say before the lump in his throat caught his voice and tears slowly fell from his eyes. "I'm so sorry I wasn't able to come back to you."

The old woman's heart race picked up and her head became light. She stumbled and both men rushed to her side and led her to the dining room table.


	7. Chapter 7

~*~

"You're real pretty, miss." A voice said softly behind her.

Nancy looked up from the crate of apples and saw a tall, lean man standing before her. His eyes a glistening hazel and hair rich brown.

"T-thank you..." She responded and feeling her cheeks flush a bright pink, she turned back around. "Did you, uhm, did you need some help?"

The man walked over and stood in front of the stand. His smile was full and bright and his eyes were kind and filled with flirtation. Nancy could feel her cheeks flush even deeper as his confidence radiated to her.

Noticing her reaction, he chuckled lightly. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I sat at that little restaurant over there for a good hour thinking which would be the best way to tell you I think you're pretty... Figured I'd just go ahead and plain out say it."

Nancy held back the growing smile, but when she failed, she covered her face with her hand and looked up at him sheepishly.

Holding his hand out to her, he introduced himself. "I'm Daniel."

Lowering her hand to shake his, she responded, "I'm Nancy."

Some months later, they were engaged and not long after that they had a small wedding. Eleven years and four kids later, their marriage failed and they divorced. Soon after, she met another man, David, and out of wedlock, she became pregnant with twins then they married the following year. Out of the eleven years with Daniel and the fifty- six with David, she never once mentioned Bucky and had always been able to keep their letters and pictures hidden and away. There were times during both of her marriages that Nancy would sink into a deep depression which had ultimately caused the first marriage to fail. As much as both her husbands had been concerned and after trying to get her to communicate with them about it, one gave up completely and the other continued to do all he could without digging at what was causing these depressions.

~*~

The tremors in her hands had intensified since the day she saw Bucky on the news so that now, she couldn't hold a glass of water without managing to spill. Bucky watched as her hands trembled and listened as she whimpered while her husband held her face in his hands and spoke softly to calm her. He noticed that her hair that had been so full and lively had turned gray and no longer fell past shoulders, rather, sat right above them though still held their curl. Her eyes that had been so dark and deep were now worn and paled. Bucky could feel his heart ache as guilt clouded over him for something he could not help. Why could he not have been here to help his loved one age more gracefully and with the care she was intended for?

_Because you wanted to be brave. You wanted to continue to stick up for Steve when you clearly new he was more than capable of taking care if himself. You couldn't let go of what was._

Fresh tears brimmed his eyes as he stood and watched as the shell that was Nancy struggled to compose herself. David realized that with Bucky here, whoever he was to her, he wasn't going to be able to calm her. He looked to Bucky, as if signaling to take over, and dropped his hands from her face. Bucky but his lip slightly as tears continued to fall and moved slowly over to her. He knelt in front of her and David disappeared into the kitchen where he set a pot of tea to brew.

With his good arm, he caressed her sunken and delicate cheek. "Nancy, I'm sorry..." He whispered, struggling to not let the lump in his throat catch his voice.

Nancy gently placed her own hand against his that held her cheek and nestled into his palm. "My Bucky..." She began and raised her other trembling hand to caress his own stubbly cheek. "Please don't be."

"I was trying to be a hero... I knew Steve could handle it, but I didn't want him to. I wanted him to know I was still there for him." Bucky let his head hang so that it rested in her lap as he sobbed quietly.

Taking off his cap, she ran her hands through his still dark hair and was now calming him. "I was never without you, Bucky. Never."

Bucky raised his head up to meet her eyes. "I tried... I tried, but they made me forget everything, Nancy. I forgot who you were and couldn't understand why when I saw you in my head that I had this warm feeling in my chest and lightness in my head. Christ, I have to be sorry. I wasn't here for you, to help you and love you. I-If I would have, then maybe-"

Shushing him, she smiled. "There are so many maybe's, James Buchanan Barnes. Maybe we would've moved, maybe we would have had more kids or less, maybe I wouldn't look so worn out now and I could have aged prettier but it's too late." Nancy chuckled then kissed his forehead. "Remember how I wrote to you about looking forward to the day you would show up back at my doorstep, I don't think I could have been happier then than I an now."

That was able to get Bucky smiling. She urged him to get up and take a seat. David had heard everything in the kitchen and rather than feel a bitterness or jealousy, he felt relief wash over him that now he knew what was the cause of his wife's suffering and that now she was receiving the closure she deserved. David poured three cups of tea and set them on a tray with some cream and sugar.

"So you were in The Howling Commandos, huh?" David asked suddenly as he entered the dining room with the tray. "I was a pilot stationed in England, but we definitely heard about your pal the Captain and the rest of you." He set a cup by each of them and before taking his own with him back to the living room, he added "What happened just recently with you doesn't erase the service you provided your country. It's all there at the exhibit. You're a Howling Commando and an honorable man through and through."

David didn't wait for a thank you before he turned and disappeared into the living room. Bucky only smiled and looked down at his hands.

"There's still a lot I don't remember, Nance, and... I'm angry." He turned his head to face her. "They took everything away from me. They stripped me of my servitude for this country and created an assassin- a traitor- out of me. They took time I was supposed to spend with my family, they took Steve away and they took you away."

Bucky rubbed his face then squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose to keep new tears from falling. Nancy only continued to look at him. Her heart ached to see him so broken. She pulled his hand away and gave it a squeeze.

"I have something of yours."

Without waiting for Bucky to ask what, she stood and disappeared into another room. She had something clutched tightly in her hand when she returned. Sitting back down, she asked Bucky to give her his hand and he did. She placed something in his palm and when he opened it, inside there was the faint ticking he had heard every night to help him sleep as well as her picture he had looked at day after day that made him long to be home.

"You keep that. My father have it to you, it's yours." She reassured when she noticed Bucky's expression. "Steve gave me back the letters I wrote to you and I want to give you those as well." She had him follow her upstairs to her bedroom. "Didn't we do this once before?" She teased with a wink that got a chuckle and a blush from Bucky.

Nancy pointed to a small trunk with a lock on the top shelf of her closet. Bucky carefully got it down and she opened it. Inside was her mother's fine china set her father had gotten her on their first anniversary. Her mother had given it to Nancy as a present at her first wedding, though it was originally intended to be given at her and Bucky's wedding. Also inside were old photographs and tucked to the side were the envelopes of her letters to him as well as his to hers. She reached in and took out the letters to him and put the rest back.

"There's no reason I should be keeping them anymore. I only want yours." Again she squeezed his youthful hand and closed up the trunk.

As he put it away, he asked, "How many kids did you have?"

She took a seat on her bed and chuckled. "My first marriage I had four and this second one I had twins."

"Two marriages, huh?"

Her smile fell slightly. "As much as I loved Daniel and as much as I love David, the love I had for you far surpassed both of theirs. What we had was something that happens once and that's if it happens at all. I'm happy with David now, but I can't lie and say that I wouldn't have been happier with you."

Again felt guilt build up in him. He knew he was the reason her marriages weren't what they could have been.

"Bucky, don't you dare blame yourself. It was all on me to choose whether or not I wanted to be happy. I tried, I really did, but I felt like the bad guy not being able to fully move and that's why my first marriage ended. My second is certainly a lot better, it's lasted the longest, fifty-six years." Her face brightened up as she added, "And don't you expect me to run off with you and leave it because you're finally back. I'm not too interested in becoming a cougar."

She laughed and Bucky chuckled along even though he didn't exactly understand what she meant by "cougar". They talked for awhile before their conversation faded and silence filled the room.

After a moment, she spoke up, breaking the silence. "You know, after today, we can't see each other anymore." Bucky's head shot up and was about to protest, but Nancy continued. "We got the closure we needed and I have lived my life and am living it with someone else. As strange as this may sound, you still have a whole life ahead of you, Bucky, don't let the wonder of what could have been and an old woman like me keep you from living it."

Bucky straightened up off the wall he had been leaning on and went to sit next to Nancy. He pulled her in and held her against him like he had so badly wanted to so many years ago.

"Even though for a moment I forgot, I still love you, Nancy. With all my heart and don't think for a second that I'll ever forget you again. You're with me, Nancy, always."

Nancy's small, frail body moved closer to his as she nestled her head into his neck. A ghost of a smile formed on her lips and tears rolled slowly and silently down her cheek.


End file.
